After going through a devastating divorce, author Elizabeth Gilbert took a journey of self-discovery that led her to Italy, India and Bali. In Bali, she met a Brazilian-born man she called Felipe in her best-seller Eat, Pray, Love. Jose (Felipe’s real name) and Elizabeth eventually married, a journey she chronicled in her book Committed.

    Through it all, Elizabeth says, she’s learned what a soul mate truly is. “People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants,” she writes in Eat, Pray, Love. “But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention.”

    Still, you might not always want to marry that person. In the video above, Elizabeth explains why and reflects on her current marriage.